After midterms mugged me and beat me and left me to bleed to death in an alley, I have returned!

Story: Akira Chiyo.
Author: Juniper87

Orb Count: where are we, 4?

Full Name: Wait for it ... Akira Chiyo. There are many names in Japanese that are unisex. There are often many masculine names that are sometimes given to girls. Like Tohru. And there are names that would never be given to a certain gender. You would never name your little boy "Sakura" unless you hated him and wanted people to beat him up. And you would never name a girl Akira. Period.
Full Species: Long-Lost-Relative Sue
Hair Color: "straight, dark brown hair tumbled down mid back"
Eye Color: "bright blue green"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions: A "black and white bracelet" *sense of forboding doom* with "hearts and stars that glow in the dark" djjawha?

Annoying Origin: A student at Harvard. She must have slept with the admissions director. She is apparently one of the "brightest students." This is my doubting face.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Is related to the Sohmas through her grandmother. What, you were expecting something different? Well, here it is! She's also related to Tohru! ... somehow.
Annoying Special Abilities: "fluent in Japanese and Spanish since she was half-and-half" Also turns into the animal of whichever cursed person hugs her. JOY.
Other Annoying Traits: Spend most of the story chatting with her really annoying friends.

Bonus! Her Suey friend!

Full Name: Krissy Mangum (is that supposed to be "Magnum?")
Full Species: Friend Sue
Hair Color: "red pigtail"
Eye Color: "green eyes bright with excitement"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: has a "round face" which is pink. *nods sagely*
Special Possessions:  an "exchange program" thing to Japan

Annoying Origin: "Krissy wasn’t actually a student at Harvard, she was fifteen and went to the local high school, but because her brother was such a genius and they’re parents had died in a car crash, the school had overlooked her residence." And that's all you need to know.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Gets an exchange trip to Japan and is thus the catalyst for Extreme Sue Action.
Annoying Special Abilities: Nothing, thank goodness
Other Annoying Traits: Is a catalyst for Sueing and thus really, really annoying.


( Little Shop of Horrors )


( Run Hatori, flee for your life! )

And Yuki too. Threesome Sue! I'm rhyming today ...

Story: The Conversations Between Rats
Author: Kiwitenjou

Orb Count: 4! Not the Sue, but Akito has "empty orbs." Eeeeeew ...

Full Name: Rayana Taylor
Full Species: Species is suspect. Originally appears to be an American Transfer Sue, but the experienced Furuba Sue-hunter should recognize suspicious signs of a secret Fake-Juunishi-Sue.
Hair Color: "strangely white"
Eye Color: I don't think it's ever mentioned.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: An "overly curvy feminine figure." In all the right places!
Special Possessions: Meanie parents who don't understaaaaaand. And a "lacy white bra."

Annoying Origin: Her meanie father and stepmother send her to Japan because they can't deal with her and want her far away. I can relate. And her real mother is secretly a Sohma. See, I can read foreshadowing.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Yuki and Akito get seduced by her sue-ish charms. le sob.
Annoying Special Abilities: She turns into ... a rat! WTF.
Other Annoying Traits: Is all wangsty about how her father doesn't know how to love her becasue she's cuuuuuursed. Dude, nearly every Juunishi in Furuba has wangsted on that, and they all did it way better than you.

( Akito Know Kung Fu! )

( Rats to the left of me, rats to the right ... )

And here's a short other Sue because it pissed me off:

Story: Light in the Darkness
Author: silver-saurian

Name: Arikimi Katsuma
Full Species: Haru-Sue
Hair Color: Bleached, apparently.
Eye Color: Not mentioned

"Plot": Rin dies in a horrible, tragic, and extremely rapid way. Haru goes nuts and kills everyone who kiled her. Then, everything is hunkydory, and Sue shows up at school! No mention is made about the fact that ther's no horse in the zodiac now, but I'd be willing to bet that Sue winds up getting cursed, even though that's, you know, impossible. Only two chapters and all this!

Worst Line: The author's note:

A/n: Sorry to those of you who like Rin, but it is essential for her to die in order for the plot to work out.

translation: She has to die so Haru can hook up with Mary-Sue.

I went to ff.net to Sue-hunt, and this is the very first story in the Fruits Basket Section. Sad, innit. I think this author is a Haru/Kisa shipper who would much rather have Haru for herself so writes a Haru-sue that replaces Kisa. Or she could just be nuts.

Story: The Curse I Never Had
Author: Haru and Kisa Lover

Full Name: Lauren Kisa Sohma, but her original name was Lauren Kasimana (a/n: I just typed some letters in without looking and they actually made a readable (is that a word?) name!)
Full Species: Sueius Replacium / Really Fake Juunishi Sue
Hair Color: white/black/grey Black roots and streaks of white and silver and went down to the middle of my back (originally brown)
Eye Color: purple (originally brown)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: nothing else, really.
Special Possessions: Magical jewelry (lots of it) and vast *cough* knowledge of the Fruits Basket world.

Annoying Origin: One day magically (and stupidly) wishes she was a Sohma and *poof* it happens.
Annoying Connection to Canon Characters: Becomes a member of the Sohma family, Yuki and Ayame's sister to be precise.
Annoying Special Abilities: Magical powers to make any fantasy real. Good thing this ain't a lemon. Is cursed to turn into the animal of whichever member of the zodiac is nearby. Her curse has 'unique' provisions on the hugging thing because she's special or some shit.
Other Annoying Traits: She's 13 (hooray for underage luvvin) but since "Your marks were so high they had to let you go in" she gets to go to high school. She has ashma just like Yuki! She has a split personality like Haru! Only it's split three ways to white, black and grey! And everyone instantly accepts her idiotic story.

( swhat? )

This one has been bugging me for a while, so I sporked it.

Story: We Bring Chaos Wherever We Roam (I think that title killed me.)
Author: Akitostarr (I recognize this name ...)

Ord Count: 3

Full Name: Utari
Full Species: Suddenly Transported to Anime Land Sue
Hair Color: "long red hair"
Eye Color: "A mixture of brown and blue that made them seem like they were tie-dyed"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Uh ... she has "pale hands"
Special Possessions: a go-cart

Full Name: Kotori
Full Species: Suddenly Transported to Anime Land Sue
Hair Color: "long silver blue hair" in pigtails with "navy blue ribbons"
Eye Color: "brigth green with a ten-pointed star surrounding the pupil"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Nothing really
Special Possessions: two highly annoying friends

Full Name: Neko *dead*
Full Species: Suddenly Transported to Anime Land Sue
Hair Color: "shoulder length brown hair" with a "denim headband"
Eye Color: "baby blue with a golden ring surrounding them" The author says "all their eyes were very unique." Not for Sues, my dear.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions: a death-inducing name.

Annoying Origin: The author and her friends The three teenagers stupidly  run over a gas line in their go-cart and instead of dying horribly like they should have, they get transported to the Fruits Basket world. So unfair.
Annyoing Connections to Canon Characters: Shigure takes them in with no thought to the curse because he is apparently a sexual predator.
Annoying Special Abilities: They, surprise surprise, don't transform the Sohmas. ARGH.
Other Annoying Traits: The complete absense of plot.

( Sexual deviancy )

Every fanfiction ever written about Fruits Basket is now officially Alternate Universe. Just thought you'd like to know.(yes, I am still reeling from this bombshell)

However, Akito-sues no longer make me want to vomit, so there are benefits! Here's an Akito-sue especially for you.

Story: Panther
Author: Hokuikai

Orb Count: 3

Full Name: Panther. Yep. Surprisingly enough, she doesn't turn into anything.
Full Species: Akito-Sue
Hair Color: "waist length brown hair"
Eye Color: Maroon, and they're "blood red" when she's looking into people's brains.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: nothing really notable
Special Possessions: Relatives named "Tic" and "Loony"

Annoying Origin: The bizarre mind of a suethor.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Akito blows up her family for some reason, and she's fast friends with Shigure. Is Tohru's sister. No, seriously. Then she forgives Akito and they get all mushy.
Annoying Special Abilities: Scares and creeps out everyone. (PAH!) Is psychic and can read people's minds.
Other Annoying Traits: Is "too cool" to wear a school uniform or show any respect to anyone. Is mean to Tohru and no one cares, yet Tohru still loves her like a sister. Gag.

( Eat your Leeches! )

( Romancing the Psycho )

Now I'll go back to shaking my head incredulously over the latest volume of Hana to Yume. You evil, evil Manga-ka, you!

current mood: shocked as hell

It's sad and tragic. I spent all of about 10 seconds on ffnet before I found this baby. There is no hope for anyone.

Story: Dakishimetainoni, "I want to embrace you only" (someone tell me if this is proper Japanese or what)
Author: Sad Eyed Tenshi

Orb Count: 3

Full Name: Sohma Kiyoshi
Full Species: Somebody's Sister Sue [1]
Hair Color: "long silvery white hair tied back in a loose braid"
Eye Color: "calm violet" which become red eventually. look girly, Yuki and Ayame look that way because of TEH CURSE. It is not hereditary. If anything, you should have mouse brown hair and eyes. Because that would be interesting.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: *ahem* "the silvery haired angel returned to normal, covering her creamy white breasts as she transformed back." [2]
Special Possessions: An annoying friend named "Johnny" who gets hit by a train to provide angst. An outfit based off of Edward Scissorhands which the author has drawn a picture of, as the author kindly tells us in two different footnotes. Why it couldn't be one footnote to save us the trouble I don't know. Here's a happy description: A large black chocker (that strangely resembled a dog’s collar) was secured tightly around her neck, along with a tight long sleeved black t-shirt, a white blouse, and black Punker pants with zippers and chains.

Annoying Origin: She lives in California ... or something ... I dunno, 'tis confusing.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Is Yuki and Ayame's sister. [3]
Annoying Special Abilities: She steals Kyou's monster form for angst. God knows what happened to Kyou.
Other Annoying Traits: The author kindly informs us that this story will be "Akito/OC." I'll be in my basement tying a noose to the rafters if you need me.

( For a total of 16 footnotes ... )

( Oh, WAAAAAAANGST )

[1] footnotes are dumb
[2] I hate using them even in school work.
[3] my chair is uncomfortable.

This one hurts. A lot. There are so many things that pain.

Story: Take Back
Author: SchitzoKit

Orb Count: 3

Full Names: Quellian "Quelli" Makovic (pronounced "Kelly") The author seems confused, however, on whether this is her character's name or if it's "Kita" *eyes author's name dubiously* / Reiyu (I'm assuming Makovic as well)
Full Species: Fake-Junishi-but-not-Junishi-some-other-legend Sue/Stu and American Transfer Sue/Stu
Hair Color: "short black hair" that eventually changes to "a strange metallic shade of purple/blue and the rest was green"(which is apparently her "natural" color)/not mentioned
Eye Color: They can turn "blood red and white" from whatever they were originally/blue that can turn "pitch black"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Nothing that I can remember
Special Possessions: Stop making me try to remember this story! *sob*

Extra-Annoying Origins: HELL.
Extra-Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: "Kelly" is the focus of Hatsuharu's stalkerish obssession but also manages to ensnare Kyo as well. They all become fine friends with the Sohmas. I can't tell if Tohru's in this story or not.
Extra-Annoying Special Ablilities: Quelli can turn into some thing called a "Kairn" and is schizophrenic because apparently that's cool/it gives her a booond with Haru. Reiyu can do coolie magic things and transforms into a raven on the full moon. A "family curse" thing, doncha know. (guess what, they've got a swan in their family! Oh JOY!)
Other Extra-Annoying Traits: Turns Haru into an evil stalker/rapist/vampire.

( Parts of the story that pissed me off )

There's also random Japanese and two entire songs stuck in random places for "mood." And there is also a sequel! Joy! Why don't you go read the whole thing ... IF YOU DARE!

Giving the Sohma family a break, here are some Honda!sues.

Story: The Eight elements (her capitalization)
Author: Timarena Iasheda

Orb Count: 3

Sue 1: Timarena Honda (yay made-up Japanese. Wow, that name sounds awfully familiar.)
Full Species: Bitchy Sue
Hair Color: "black hair red at the tips"
Eye Color: "a shade of crimson"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions: Hana-chan's wardrobe. (give it back, you bitch!)

Sue 2: Jex (wtf?) Honda
Full Species: Barely Existant Sue (aww, poor Sue, upstaged by her Sue-sisters)
Hair Color: "red blond hair"
Eye Color: "yellow eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: like the author could be bothered coming up with stuff for more than one Sue
Special Possessions: Nuthin'

Sue 3: Kaoru Honda
Full Species: The "Nice" Sue
Hair Color: "long blue white hair"
Eye Color: "sea blue eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Nada
Special Possessions: Zip

Sue 4: Sereina (wince) Honda
Full Species: The "Serena is spelt different so it's unique" Sue
Hair Color: "light blue hair"
Eye Color: "yellow eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Nuttin
Special Possessions: Rather boring, isn't it.

Annoying Origin: Somehow Tohru's cousins. I guess her father has more then just a sister, but the author never really bothers to explain.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Tohru's cousins. Enemies of the Sohma family, for whatever bizarre reason the author thinks necessary.
Annoying Special Abilities: So, apparently the Honda family has its own speshul CURSE OF DOOM, which involves elements for some reason. To quote the story "The 8 elementals, I am the Wind element, Karou is water, Jex is fire, Sereina is Moon, Sayoran is mountain, Kodoku is Earth, and meli is ice. That’s why our hair and eye color are different.” She was then stopped by Tohru who asks another question “Who is the sun” “You” yuki said standing up and dusting himself off. “We of course know the sohma’s curse because they are enemies the elements and the zodiac have always been enemies from the start only the sun can keep them at reason." Oh, and Tima-Sue turns into a wolf. For no real reason. No hugging or anything. She just does.
Other Annoying Traits: Tima-Sue is a general bitch to everyone, and also punches Kyo and Momiji. Momiji! No one but Akito is cruel enough to punch Momiji. Bitch.

( This author is SPECIAL. She puts cliffhangers in the middle of her sentences. )

So the author kindly informs us that this little jewel of a story comes from a roleplay between her and her friends. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that her charcter is Tima-Sue, based in the fact that she's the only Sue that actually does anything (and her name, but that'd be easy) Also, Hatsuharu is already in the Sue's sights as potential loveslave boyfriend. Already! Run, Haru, run!

I love Kakeru and I love mocking Mary-Sues. Hence, I love my icon. The day Manabe Kakeru gets Sued is the day I commit suicide, got that everyone? On to today's Sue.

I was getting kind of bored with the Fake-Junishi Sues I was finding ... wolf, fox, fox, swan(gag), fox ... then I came across this one.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

However! This story has one wonderful, redeeming quality ...

Story: The 14th Zodiac Member
Author: Solits (alone

Orb Count: 3 all hail her "cloudy orbs"

Full Name: Phoenix *sporksporkspork*
Full Species: Fake-Junishi Sue
Hair Color: "And her hair was the most beautiful part. It looked like pure gold, shining brightly like rays of light in the sun's reflection. It was straight, with bangs that reached just above her eyebrows. Her hair was also partly wavy, rolling up an down at the bottom of her hair, which touched midway down her back. To Tohru it look like a beautiful sea of light."
Eye Color: "She had beautiful grey eyes that looked like an ocean on a stormy day. Her eyes were not wide and open like Tohru's, but were like Hatori's except, female."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: nothing you don't see on every other Sue
Special Possessions: none, really.

Annoying Origin: Some made-up legend shoved into the general Zodiac legend.
Annoying Connection to Canon Characters: The "14th member of the zodiac" despite there not being 14 zodiacs. There aren't even 13! There 12 zodiacs, 1 cat, and 1 God, GOT THAT? Is also Kyou's twin sister. I'm just waiting for her to be Akito's lover, then the sue-age will be complete. *sporks*
Annoying Special Abilities: Throws lightning. LIGHTNING. Has the ability to "harness the elemnts" or what not. Randomly grow wings. I am not kidding about any of this.
Other Annoying Traits: EvVERYTHING

( Phoenix? That's not even a Japanese myth! )

This Public Service Announcment brought to you by Manabe Kakeru and the School Campus Defense Force. We're here to defend you from EVIL!
 

Just a short double-sue today. I figure I'd give you a break from all the Akito-sue-age.

Story: Starting Over
Author: ILoveFrey (so I'm guessing she has some Alice 19th Sues somewhere ...)

Full Names: Rosemary and Sage Woods. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Full Species: American Transfer Sues
Hair Color: "White with natural red highlights in it"
Eye Color: "violet with sparks of green"/"violet with sparks of grey" greydoesn'tsparkkthnxDIE.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not counting the hair?
Special Possessions: Nothing

Annoying Origin: Sent to live with their Aunt (named "Celeste" how very Japanese) in Japan for the purpose of Sueing the Sohmas
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Force friendships with the Sohmas. Seriously. They plot to invade the Sohma family by using Tohru.
Annoying Special Abilities: Telepathy, can see peoples "auras", "needless to say they are both brilliant" at martial arts.
Other Annoying Traits: apparently the are witches from a family of witches and "witch healers." They are alarmed by the Sohma family's strange auras. Zap them please, if you would Hana-chan.

( The Sues weasel their way in )

( Sue angsts about her horrible life )

Bah. Bah I say! Oh yeah, no orbs in this story either. Should I be happy or worried about this?

I hate this Sue with deep, utter loathing that consumes my being. You will too.

Story: Young Wings
Author: AkitoStarr

Orb Count: 2

Full Name: Phillia
Full Species: Angel-winged Sue
Hair Color: "silvery"
Eye Color: "brilliant blue-gray" Speaking as someone with blue-grey eyes, that is pretty much impossible. Grey is a subdued color, especially in eyes. "murky" or "faded" is more like it. Her eyes can also turn "to a blazing red color."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Black wings (GAG), "skin like pristine ivory"
Special Possessions: Angsty backstory.

Annoying Origin: Her family is dead, but who cares, they didn't want her anyway! She is the last of the uh ... "Hinotas." Which are , um, "Hinotas are creatures born of a human mind and the elements of earth. They are horse like creatures, except they have sharp teeth and red eyes. On their hooves are sharp claws. They can fly, speak any language and there are only two ways to kill a Hinota." She must defend her people from ... HIM! dun dun dun! ... or something like that.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Practically lands in Hatori's lap, will be hooking up with him, as she has "rekindled the flame" that went out with Kana, gag me with a plastic spoon. Mayu-chan needs to hunt this under-age biatch down. Also might hook up with Akito. I am in horror.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can bloody fly, is immortal, doesn't (surprise surprise) transform the Sohmas, does magical flashy power ... things. They don't actually seem to do much ... And here's the worst part: "Well according to this book, Hinotas are mind breakers, which means you can befriend anyone without really knowing it." It's like ... magical Tohru-ability, only without the work.
Other Annoying Traits: Has the majikal ability to see everyone's inner paaaaaaain, reminds Hatori of Kana, becomes fast friends with Momiji, etc etc etc.

Sixteen chapters ... it's horrible. By the sixteenth chapter, there aren't even any Furuba characters left! (except those that she goes home to shag) Why didn't the author just write an original story? Waaaaah.

( Sue seduces Akito. I CRY. )

( Aaaaargh )

So, she gains even more super-powers, confesses her love to both Hatori and Akito, then runs off to save a kidnapped Ritsu of all people from her mortal enemy who lives in star. The last five chapters are basically just about Sue and her enemies and l33t fighting powers and have no Furuba characters in them. It BUUUUUURNS.

Sorry to be MIA for so long. Yay, summer vacations. Here are two sues to cause you PAAAAIN.

This one comes recommended by RedHop. It burns my retinas and offends me. Why? Because it is an Akito-sue. Nothing is worse than an Akito-sue. Why couldn't she seduce Shigure instead?

Orb Count: Still 2, these suethors are really slacking.

Story: One Key Not Two (this title has yet to make sense)
Author: Winter Love Fairy

Full Name: Sisana Hasnolastname and her nickname is "Sisa." Made-up Japanese is like Made-up German, throw in enough random letters and maybe no one will notice!
Full Species: AKITO-SUE. There is no God. Except Akito. Which probably explains the Mary-Sue Phenomenon. Akito, you sadistic bastard.
Hair Color: "Light brown"
Eye Color: "soft blue/angel blue crystal eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None, as there is NO description.
Special Possessions: AKITO. (is this getting to anyone yet?)

Annoying Origin: She just ... waltzes in out of nowhere to shag Akito.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Sexes up Akito.
Annoying Abilities: The majikal ability to not be brutally abused by Akito.
Other Annoying Traits: Has sex with Akito. Am I joking? I wish to god I was.

( Chapter two, entitled How They Meet and Begun Their Relationships. Ah, beauty. )

This one is also painful! But Akito doesn't get laid in it. Not yet, at any rate. He's certainly trying his darndest to get into Yuki's pants, though. Contains both Sue and Stu!

Orb Count: 2. I'm getting sad. Where are my orbs?

Story: Moonlit Assassin
Author: NiGhTrIkKu

Full Name: Setsuna "Suna" Makoto (the girl) and Zion (I'm assuming his last name is *snerk* "Makoto" as well.)
Full Species: L33t Badass Sue/ Get-canon-girl-out-of-the-way Stu
Hair Color: "black as the night sky" /"black hair that was slightly tinted a dark blue"
Eye Color: "blue like no other" /"sea green eyes that anyone could lose themselves in"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Her brother has "pale skin softer than anything on the planet"
Special Possessions: She has a swordie-sword. That makes her unique!

Annoying Origin: They are Uber L33t Assassins whose parents were murdered or some such who Akito has hired to kill Tohru. The main question here is ... Why? Akito prefers crushing people's fragile spirits over killing them.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Sue is romancing Yuki and has brought in her Stu brother to seduce away Tohru. Kyo exists as nothing more than a cardboard cut-out making Yuki jealous in this story.
Annoying Special Abilities: Super Speshul Assassin Skillz, the ablilty to not transform Yuki after falling on him *convulse* I don't think she's a fake-Junishi, I think she's just special like that *convulse*
Other Annoying Traits: Makes me wonder if I'm even in Fruits Basket anymore.

There are 17 chapters of this drek. I got to chapter 8. Anyone want to go further?

( Sue arrives and everyone becomes fast friends )

So Akito is either an evil rapist bastard or a poor boy who just needs some LUUUUUUV. I need to clean my brain.

Well, the Mary-you's have defiled Fruits Basket. Joy.
The author kindly gives all the proper information up front, so we don't have to sift through the actual story to find them.

Orb Count: still 2, apparently YOUr eyes are normal.

Story: The Song of the Swan
Author: Shizumi Sasuke

Full Name: Sohma Ami
Full Species: Mary-YOU
Hair Color: "Shoulder-length white hair, which is always rather messy"
Eye Color: "green/emerald eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None really
Special Possessions: None really

Annoying Origin: *Ahem* "Younger sister of Akito, ran away from the Main house 4 years ago, is also cursed with the thirteenth member of the zodiac, the swan. You have an extremely cold personality (must run in the family) but your one setback is that you cannot walk. (age 15)" Now, I'm confused because in the story it appears that she walks just fine. Or at least, magically moves around without any form of transportation.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Akito's sister, Haru's new love. Why is it always Haru, dammit.
Annoting Special Abilities: Probably some sort of Fake-Juunishi-Sue in disguise
Other Annoying Traits: For some reason, can use karate and beat off thugs even though she "can't walk."

( YOU are sitting helpless in the middle of the sidewalk. How you got there, no one can say. )

Aaaaaargh, my brain.

Oh, this is a gem.

Story: Easily Amused
Author: Audrey Bogart

Full Name: Dusty. Dusty LaFayette.
Full Species: Bitchy American Sue (also Cajun, apparently)
Hair Clolor: "chestnut"/"auburn" "in a messy bun" (this damn sue stole my hairstyle!)
Eye Color: grey (and my eyes!) but then swiches to the far cooler "silver" and "silverish" (whew.) Her eyes are also referec to as "orbs" at one point.
I'm going to start keeping track: Orb Count: 2
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Is apparently a D-cup. We really wanted to know.
Special Possessions: None, really.

Annoying Origin: The descendent of some girl (who looks just like her) who was involved in/ responsible for the origin of TEH CURSE. *gag*
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Shigure wants to write a book about her, and will probably sex her up in the process. Also flashes Hatori.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to understand and not understand Japanese at will! Also *wince* has something to do with breaking the curse. I must go barf now.
Other Annoying traits: Makes pop culture references endlessly. Is called "as perverted as Shigure"

First, Hatori treats family only. And Tohru. Get that into your heads, Suethors.

Second, Ayame makes custom-made outfits. He does not sell things off the rack.

Third, here are some special, special similes made in this story:

I can't help but remember the past few days that led up to this single moment in which I felt like a lost little Cajun girl
It was as if the story of Cinderella had unfolded right before me.
I began to scream like a school girl at a Backstreet Boys concert and bouncing around like a jackrabbit on crack.
I began to cry. Not the dramatic bawling like you see in E.T. or something. It was more of the soft, heart wrenching kind. Like a first breakup type of crying.
I leaned back against a tree throwing my hand over my face as if I were a damsel in distress.

Magical.

( Attack of the pop culture references. )

The spelling and grammer and such is decent, but ugh. ugh ugh.

Went to see Wicked this weekend. Pretty good. I wonder if there are any Wicked sues? Or Wizard of Oz sues? I'm too scared to look.

In apology for my MIA all weekend, here are two different sues. Come, suffer with me.

Story: Of Kitsunes and Dogs More chapters to come
Author: R.E.P.

Full Name: Nira

Full Species: Fake-Juunishi-Sue

Hair Color: “golden hair which was put back in a rather messy bun”

Eye Color: “dark green orbs”

Unusual Markings/Colorations: none, really. Unless you count the black cloak.

Special Possessions: two swords and a spiked dog-collar.

Annoying Origin: the twisted subconscious of the author

Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Will probably be Shigure’s twoo wuv.

Annoying Special Abilities: turns into a “golden fox.” Also transforms with her clothes on for some reason.

Other Annoying Traits: Instantly accepted, makes the boys forget that they wouldn’t be able to pick a girl up without transforming themselves.

There's only one chapter and already it reeks of sue-age.

( Shigure loses his mind. )

I like how the author promises more in the title. We'll be sure to stay away, thanks!

And now for something not completely different at all:

Story: More Onigiri? (the paaaaaaain)
Author: Enchanted Crimson Rose

Full Names: Chidori Karakami and Akina Takana. Chidori is the main Sue here, while Akina is her tagalong Sue. (Made up names are the best! I don’t know about you, but “Chidori” makes me think of Naruto, and then I just laugh.)

Full Species: Completely Out of Nowhere Sues

Hair Color: “blood-red hair” “pulled up into two balls, one on each side of her head, with a lone strand of hair hanging on each side of her face”/”long blonde hair that reached to her thighs”

Eye Color: “light purple eyes”/not mentioned

Unusual Markings/Colorations: Just hair the color of BLOOOD.

Special Possessions: Certain characters’ private parts.

Annoying Origin: The author and her friends

Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: They move into Shigure’s, apparently on Akito’s orders, despite there being no room.

Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to use a lot of profanity, and Chidori can apparently play volleyball.

Other Annoying Traits: Everyone seems to find their constant loud shouting and profanity endearing.

The worst part of this fic is that the author is offering to write other peoples’ Mary-Sues for the bishie-of-their-choice, ‘cept for Haru, Yuki, and Kyo, they’re taken. Does this make anyone else quake in fear? 

“If you want any of the guys with a '?' beside the name, than just send your character through a review. The one who sends the best description of your person will win...”

( My favorite animal is a sue-eating shark. )

( Why is it always Haru? )

I found this Sue-story rather boring, really. Just the author and her friend yelling at each other a lot. Le sigh.

It hurts and stings.

Story: Purple Skies
Author: Akira33

Full Name: Sato Machiko
Full Species: Fake-Juunishi-Sue
Hair Color: "long brown hair" with "reddish and blondish 'hilights'"
Eye Color: "chestnut brown eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "angel-pink" lips
Special Possessions: An apple, a sword, and a daughter named Aiko. But she's only sixteen or summat. Yeah.

Annoying Origin:  … Why don’t we just let Machiko tell us: “My name is Sato Machiko. But I hated my family so I like to be referred to as Machiko, just Machiko. I went to elementary and middle school and started my freshman year of highschool when my parents died in a car accident. Shortly after that I got pregnant and was expelled from my school. Having nowhere to go, I took to stealing food and sleeping under the church's steps. Then one day I got caught stealing and was put in jail. I escaped from their and decided to get a job so that I wouldn't be caught again. I sweep the floors in a bakery and I get two rolls a day, but no salary. It's the price to pay for being an escaped convict.”

Does anyone else want to call her “Machikojustmachiko?”

Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Oh god …. *deep breath* Akito’s former lover and bearer of his child. Yuki’s future LUUUUUV.

Annoying Special Abilities: Turns into … something. I dunno. She turns into a cat, but then says “this time” so I suppose she changes into other stuff too. She’s SPECIAL. And I guess she can use a sword, because she has one.

Other Annoying Traits: Is a general bitch to everyone because, omg, her life is so haaaaard! Also makes Yuki think that Tohru pales in comparison to her beauty. 

( Yuki has headlights for eyes. )

( The Trajikal Death of Akito )

I am ... amused. And in pain.

Introducing the tattooed wonder.

Story: Tohru's Secret Twin with a secret of her own (the author gave up on capital letters halfway through.)

Author: Mrs. Kyousohma (bad sign.)

Full Name: Serenity Li Honda, adopted name Alexandria Van Garrett. Dear Lord.

Full Species:  Somebody’s (twin) Sister Sue

Hair Color:Orange “like her mother” (her mother bleaches, m’dear) but dyed brown

Eye Color: Not mentioned

Unusual Markings/Colorations: Tattoos: “a little Red Cat paw print and it was put on her left inner thigh. The second was the Japanese symbol for cat which was placed on her top let breast closest to the heart. And the last one was placed on her right shoulder blade and it said Kyou Sohma and the year in Japanese and it was placed on what looked like a cat scratch”  poor, poor Kyou.

Special Possessions: Monopoly on Kyou’s future sex life, as only shagging Kyou will lift TEH CURSE.

Annoying Origin: Adopted parents in America. Go back! Back, you demon!

Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Tohru’s twin sister. Kyou’s future lurve.

Annoying Special Abilities: The power to break TEH CURSE! oogie boogie. Which means she can hug whom she pleases, I suppose. Also knows “Tai Kwan Do, Ti Chi, Karate, and Kick Boxing so I can take you out in a minute.”

Other Annoying Traits: I hate to say “she exists” but it’s so true.

First, please witness this line: “That doesn’t explain why you don’t look Japanese” Kyou said. “Well every one in my family has light skin so I went though two years of skin therapy”

Thank you.

( Serenity Sue has the POWA )

( Sue and Hatori )

I think I’m always going to call it TEH CURSE from now on.

I shall start off lightly. For there will be such pain to come. Such pain.

Story: Lucky Cat
Author: D-Yai  The author notes in her profile that she hates Tohru. I am shocked. However, I give her points for not bashing her in-story and actually writing a bit of Kyou/Tohru.

Full Name: Sohma Mari
Full Species: Spawn-sue
Hair Color: "carrot-top"ed
Eye Color: Not mentioned, but I'm assuming red.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Cat ears. I kid you not.
Special Possessions: a "black and and white Shinto beaded bracelet." As opposed to Buddhist. It's much kewler that way.

Annoying Origin: The spawn of Shigure and some wife he never bothered to mention until now who commits suicide. And Kyou's sister. Or something.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: See above.
Annoying Special Abilities: Is the Cat ... despite how there can only be, yanno, one.
Other Annoying Traits: Is not screwed up like Kyou despite mutual mother-suicide. Steals Tohru's role as Sohma Family Healer. Makes Shigure act like a big schmoop ... and be serious about it.

The author's spelling, grammer, etc is at a good level, and her characterization is cardboardy, but not awful ... save when the characters get vampirized by Mari-sue.

( Meet our three-year-old Sue )

( Mari-sue puts Tohru out of a job )

Whew. Not so bad. But ph34r. ph34r with great ph34r the horrors that aait.